Thursday, September 29, 2011


Convicted: to impress with a sense of guilt

Recently I have been very convicted about my daily spiritual growth, time management, attitude towards the kids, ect. Just so many things I feel like I need to grown and improve on. I guess that's just life, but it seems like it's been on my mind more and more lately....things I want to change, stuff I want to focus my attention on. Well, I was catching up reading all of my blogs this afternoon, and I got to one of my favorites. What she had to say just really got my attention. Made me even more convicted when it comes to my kids and my relationship with them. Why is slowing down so hard?? Why do I find it so hard to put what I WANT to do aside and just be with them. I get so spoiled sometimes because we have been blessed with kids that play fairly well by themselves and with each other. But that makes it so much more easy for me to tell them "just a minute" over and over again. This isn't the kind of mom I want to be. I definitely don't "soak up my moments of being a mom" as she puts it in her post. I want to soak up those everyday "mundane" moments with the kids. I want to make new memories with them and do fun things with them. I want to make the time for them and I want them to be a priority in my life. This is such a struggle for me! Not because I don't love them, but because I am a selfish person. I feel like they just demand so much from me sometimes and I just want to do what I WANT to do, not what they want. There are so many things that NEED to be done (feeding them, changing their diapers, ect.) that when it comes to just enjoying the fun they have, I often am missing it because I've told them "just one more minute." Children have such a simple, fun outlook on life. I want that. I want to live in the moment with my kids. I want to share in their memories because I was there watching them and being a part of it.

Because they truly are a blessing from God. There are a lot of days I really have to remind myself of this when they are testing me, but they are a blessing. Life would be empty and dull without them, and I'm thankful for them. I want to enjoy this gift we've been given while they are still around to enjoy! I want to enjoy these moments now, while we are in them, and not look back and try to remember. I know I am not going to transform overnight, because let's be honest, raising kids is hard, and there is always going to be something else I'd rather do or "need" to do than build them a new train track. AND I'm sort of a neat freak so my house to-do list might be longer than most because I have a hard time walking away from disorganization and messes. But that's what my kids are asking for...simple stuff.....just for me to be there and to play with them. So today, I'm going to start trying to improve....knowing that I will still fail somedays....but just keep trying to live life slowly (like a child) and enjoy the mundane moments we've been given.

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